Natalia, Kiev

In October, I was ill with corona, and my mental state deteriorated greatly. I wasn’t ready to end it. by myself, but I didn’t mind dying. Rehabilitation was difficult, but I decided to try to fight again. In January, I paid for a 10-month course of study in a new field for me, there was no limit to my delight.
There was a clause in the training contract that if martial law and the like… I’m in the first when signing the contract, I highlighted this point for myself as important.
At the beginning of February, we started thinking about supplies and backpacks in case of evacuation, my husband kept a full tank of gasoline. I started training and for the first time in my life I did what I wanted myself. The feeling is amazing!

In 5:00 24.02 mom called and said that the war had begun. I have been in many crisis situations, so there were no tantrums and tears. Two days before that, we gave the car to the service station, it was necessary, so we were left without it.
It’s funny! Then there was a lot of news, an understanding that it would not end soon. For the first time, I am grateful to my life for hardening. I was already on mild antidepressants, so I was doubly lucky.

The night when there were street battles in Kiev, we spent in the subway. It was the only time.
Fear was in the air, the cold froze my eyes. We were in the carriage, there warmer. In the morning we decided to go home, ate and went to bed, we just didn’t
have the strength. We set up a shelter in our bathroom and decided to wait it out like this. When they got into the TV tower, the wave was so strong that it passed through the body.

Two weeks later, my husband decided that my son and I needed to move to the west of Ukraine. I walked around with this thought for a day, even made some preparations, and in the evening I was covered. I understood that physically and mentally it would be hell. But worse was the thought that people
I didn’t even know were forcing me to leave home. I sobbed and couldn’t stop. Then I decided I wasn’t going anywhere. If they enter Kiev,
which was simply unrealistic, I will go out on the street together with other residents.

Lingering headaches spoil the picture, but I am determined to fight: for myself, my son, and my parents. In parallel with the news of our TV, I watched a video from Russia.
I felt sincere sympathy for the Russians because of the sanctions. I was sympathetic to the negative opinion of Russians towards Ukrainians and Ukraine as a whole. For me, Katerina Gordeeva has become the face of Russia, but this is not so.

The statements of politicians and Russians themselves are horrifying: so much cynicism, hatred, neglect, pride, cruelty. The first news about a woman raped by a soldier of the Russian Army in front of her child was the last straw. Then Bucha and Mariupol, Kharkiv, an article in RIA (“what we will do it with Ukraine”), and this is not the limit. I don’t hate, my Mom hates for me, but I don’t sympathize anymore. Every taxpayer in Russia paid for this war. Propaganda and a complicated story are a very convenient excuse. There is always a choice, I know what I’m talking about.
The words “brotherly people” make me sick. I’m Russian-speaking, I hope it won’t be for long.
To those Russians who publicly oppose the war and support Ukraine, I express my immense gratitude.
Glory to the air defense!!!! Everything will be Ukraine!!