Sometimes I feel I do not belong to the places where I go. I don't know if I should go back to Brazil and try to connect with my old friends and family. Sometimes I am here and I also do not feel connected with people. So my personal fulfillment would be to be in a place where I feel happy, surrounded by people that make me feel good.
I was 19 years old when I left. Me and my parents we always had a very good relationship, we have always been very close to each other. We are always together, we do sports together, meditate, we go jogging, we travel… a very good relationship. So coming here – especially being the younger daughter – leaving my parents and my sister, it was a shock. In Brazil, I was living with my parents and my sister, I had a long-lasting relationship, I was a school coordinator and an English teacher. So I had a life that we can practically call “stable” and that was good. I worked, I studied, but to a certain extent, I was kind of accommodated. So this feeling of being accommodated – as well as the breaking up of my relationship, cause that made me wish to go to another continent – caused some disruptions in my life and made me move.
Everything happened very fast, in one month I packed my bags and left. I was in a new phase after my relationship ended. I was studying French and one day an angel in my life, my teacher, mentioned the existence of the au pair program in France. She said I could go learn the language and the culture. So when I arrived in Europe I arrived first in Southern France. I arrived in France with no knowledge of French. My initial plan was to stay in Europe for only 6 months, but I am here for 3 years already. So I extended my stay because I realized I still had a lot of things to explore. I moved a few times to work as an Aupair in different cities like Paris and Milan. I had a few problems because the lives of people who make exchanges are not always good. There are many complicated situations that we have to face by ourselves. So I had a few of these problems in Milan and because of that, I came to Barcelona.
Before coming here to live, 2 years ago I came to visit Barcelona as a tourist, I was in love with the city and I remember I said I wanted to live here. Those were just words, I didn’t really have a plan to come here but the universe listened to me and gave me the gift to live here this year. I arrived in Barcelona I didn’t have a job, a house. I didn’t know how long I would be here, I didn’t speak Spanish. In Barcelona, we also have Catalan, which is the official language. So it was challenging. I am a person who likes to have control over everything and have everything organized. So arriving here and not knowing how the next day would be, was quite complicated. So I would say this was the challenge, to be a resilient person to understand this opportunity and adapt to the moment. So I arrived here, stayed 10 days at a friends’, and then I found a family nearby Barcelona that received me for the au pair program.
What I like the most about Barcelona is that in Spain people are warm, they like to smile and are friendly. There is also the beach and this amazing weather. It is worth a lot for me, cause I am always searching for the sun. But I have been living here for one month and a half. In this meantime, especially because we are amidst one pandemic, I couldn’t’ see what really makes me want to stay here. It is a new challenge, I know I like it but I am still searching for my new motivations.
After these 3 years here in Europe, I found out that life is a box full of surprises. I left Brazil as a little girl, and I have faced many things that made me realize we can’t believe everything we plan will work out. I also learned to appreciate the small things, the small victories. So today, what I have as a goal – and I say goal because the word dream seems something very distant – is to be personally and professionally fulfilled. For personal fulfillment, I mean that I want to be in a place where I feel good. Sometimes I feel I do not belong to the places where I go. I don’t know if I should go back to Brazil and try to connect with my old friends and family. Sometimes I am here and I also do not feel connected with people. So my personal fulfillment would be to be in a place where I feel happy, surrounded by people that make me feel good. That is it, to find a spot of peace, where I can be myself, say what I want to say, do what I like to do without trying to impress others. My professional fulfillment would be to work with NGOs or something similar, representing values I believe. I do not think we should work just because people say we have to acquire things. We should work with passion, otherwise, we will spend our entire life in a big wheel running to anywhere.