Marina, Sumy/Germany

But everything dragged on. It was impossible to turn on the light. I saw the Russian army enter the city: tanks in huge numbers, we heard them beating. One day, when it was quiet, we went out the gate and saw the gunner running in the opposite direction from the place where the tank was supposed to hit. There was a blow, people just demolished the house clean, and he goes back to look.

All 12 days that we were at home, there were endless alarms. We were hiding in the basement — in the usual basement where vegetables are stored. He would not have saved anyone, he trembled even when beaten in other areas. We saw a man running through our garden at night, even though it’s all forbidden. How some marks appeared around the city, and then small anti-personnel mines, mobile phones with explosives, toys were scattered. Who was it made for? For our children? Who is the war against?

On March 7 or 8, I don’t remember anymore, at 4 a.m. we hear a fighter flying over the house. So low that the whole house vibrates. I grab the sleeping child, wrap him in a blanket and run to the basement. Nothing would have saved anything from this fighter, it’s just an animal instinct. And we hear an explosion literally two kilometers away — the neighboring area where I grew up, ordinary residential buildings. This fighter jet threw a bomb at residential buildings, killing 24 people, including children. What are they to blame for?

They started firing at enterprises where chemicals are stored. I don’t know, I’m not a chemist, but if they get into them, it’s hardly something good.

We hid constantly in this basement, hung carpets there to make it warmer, built a bed. Anyway, it was cold, damp, scary endlessly. And most importantly — misunderstanding, for what? I’ve been speaking Russian all my life, now it’s a language I hate, I use it just to tell you this story. I hate with all my heart the language and the country that brought us so much grief and tears. We didn’t ask to be rescued, everything was fine with us. We started building roads all over the country, we started planning for the future. In the summer we were going to the sea with our family. It’s all ruined.

We managed to escape from the city. We started on March 9 and only reached Germany on March 17. Yes, here, we are safe, they sympathize with us, help us in any way they can. I’m sorry, I can’t help but cry…

My family stayed at home. I’m here with my mom and son. My husband, whom I love so much, stayed there. We don’t know when we’ll see each other now. All this is happening to us. For what? Why is this all?

I feel terribly sorry for my child, who says that we can’t go home because tanks are thumping there, bad people are there. He knows it, but he’s not three.

I spent every summer as a child in Moscow, because I had relatives there, and it was so cool for us. Now there is no more Russia for me. What do they do with women… How can 11 men torment a 9-year-old girl? There are no words to call it. For me, Russia is no more. No country, no culture. There is only the field, Mordor, orcs. I’m sorry for those words. But in history, one can trace examples of countries that developed and then sank into oblivion. For me, Russia is one of these countries. No one should remember about her in 100 years, as if she it never was. I don’t speak Russian anymore. We are not brothers.
It’s unforgivable.

I’m still young, but my life has already been destroyed. I don’t know how to live anymore.