Rumors about the war had been circulating for several months before the start. In two days, a team came to distribute personal files and workbooks to employees. I work in a government structure, and it was clear that the management would not just strain themselves.

My name is Yana, I’m from Kharkiv. I and my two children had to leave the city first, and then from Ukraine. I’m writing little notes about, how I’m going through all this horror. I wanted to share one of the notes with you.

My 34 years have never been easy, but I realized that it is possible in a different way, better, for myself, therefore, for the last 2 years I have been dealing with getting out of depression, recovering from burnout, transforming relationships with my husband and family, changed my attitude to raising my son, he is four, worked with a psychologist and a psychotherapist. Last summer we went to rest several times in Ukraine. The Carpathians are an amazing place. The sea is warm and sparkling.

And I’m tired of counting the days. Texts are not written. Fragments of thoughts cling to each other, not having time to take shape into something whole. I increasingly miss posts about Mariupol in social networks — I know in advance the approximate content and what emotions they will cause. I read less and less stories about how women were raped by Russian soldiers, having previously shot their husbands while their children were locked in another room (I already know the icy anger and impotence, I do not see the need to repeat the material I have passed). Any emotion-manipulating news that doesn’t give objective information, I immediately skip it. Calmness and rationality bordering on insensitivity. My way of saving the battery.

On February 24, I woke up to the sounds of flying aircraft over the house. It was our military plane. The first days passed in a blur. I don’t even remember it well now. I have never experienced such a level of fear and knocked the ground out from under my feet. I slept dressed, with a phone in my hands. Jumped up from the sound of the refrigerator turning on. I cried a lot. I always left the house with a backpack with everything I needed (even to the store): all the money, documents, a change of clothes, a toothbrush… I didn’t know if I could come home.

I’m Nadia, I’m 27. I have a daughter, 2.5 years old. I was born in Odessa, I have been living in Kiev for 6 years, studying, working. [About the war] I learned from a call from my ex-husband. At first I heard the vibration of the bracelet on my arm, I was very surprised that it was ringing. At first I closed my eyes, then I thought: I need to take it. He said: “Nadia, the war has begun, they are bombing.” I remember that I said a couple of swear words.

I am from the city of Sumy, our region is located on the border with Russia. I would like to tell my story. It is not as terrible as some, but it also takes place. I am 29 years old, I have a small child who will be three. Before the war, I was very nervous, I completely lost sleep when the dates of the invasion came up, which were called in the media. At least my documents were collected. And in a couple of days I bought three cans of canned food. I had little idea of the war, I thought it would not be long, we would sit in the apartment. When it all started, we moved in with our parents, they have their own house. I took things literally for a week — just a trip.

Decided to write, because most of the stories are from girls from the East, and I’m the “Nazi” that they talk about so much. I was born in a Ukrainian-speaking family in a Ukrainian-speaking town. There were no people in my environment who speak Russian. Russian Russian movies were watched and Russian songs were listened to. I studied Russian at I honestly didn’t like it at school, there were a lot of rules and an incomprehensible hard sign, but I read books on it with pleasure. I probably got my first Russian-speaking friend at uni. But if you ask which of my classmates spoke what language, I probably won’t remember.

How important it is that you give us, the women of Ukraine, to talk! After all, it’s impossible to keep it to yourself. I am a wedding decorator, an artist. I have 2 beautiful sons, had a great job, a lot of plans. Everyone said, and I will repeat once again: we have no life now, after February 24th. Everyone remembers 23, the day before. Everyone knows 24. And that’s it, then we count only the days of hell: 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 20th.

I have been living in China for many years, but my small family (mom, stepfather and aunt) has always lived in Ukraine, in my native Kharkiv. I had a lot of resentment against my country, which is probably why I left.When the war began, it was already day in China. I read the news and immediately called my mom. She said in a sleepy voice that it was so.