Tatiana, Shostka / Kiev / Novye Petrovtsy

Today is the 35th day. I don’t want to count anymore. The hope of returning to normal life is almost completely gone.
I am 41 years old. I am from the Sumy region, the city of Shostka. Russian-speaking region. My father is Russian, from the Kursk region. Now the city of Shostka is surrounded and cut off.

We work constantly, and on February 24, as always, we planned to wake up at 6.40. My daughter goes to school, we go to work. But at 5.30 we woke up to the fact that the house was shaking, the windows were ringing. War.

On the verge of a humanitarian catastrophe, but they are not firing, lucky.
I have been living in Kiev since I was 17. I love him very much. There were a lot of different things in life, difficult, but over the last 10 years everything began to change for the better: beloved husband, friend, partner. He and I were able to build a small, but a successful and beautiful business. Our daughter is 7 years old. And 1.5 years ago I finally got my own house in the suburbs of Kiev. My first home in my life.
We work constantly, and on February 24, as always, we planned to wake up at 6.40. My daughter goes to school, we go to work. But at 5.30 we woke up to the fact that the house was shaking, the windows were ringing. War.
They jumped up and ran around in a panic: what about the school, where to go, you need to collect documents, money, a first aid kit. At 8.00 we managed to go to work and pick up documents and savings from there (we kept them in the office). We decided to stay at home in the village. It was believed that it would not last long. It was believed that civilians would not be bombed.
They opened the cellar, insulated it as best they could. We found candles, flashlights. Counted all the food supplies, enough for a long time. Friends and relatives rushed to leave: traffic jams for 10 hours, there is no gasoline anywhere. At the border, they sat and slept in cars with children for three days. I corresponded with everyone and thought that it was right that we stayed. Why should we run away from our land? We protect our house, and he protects us. Mom is with us, she has diabetes, but we managed to get medicines. We bought homemade chicken and potatoes through social networks.
Happiness that there is light, heat, Internet.
We can hear the fighting near Kiev, fires and the glow from the explosions are visible through the window. We have learned to distinguish between the sounds of “grads” and air defense, we know when ours are. Sometimes it flies to us. 500 m from our house, a rocket hit a two-story building, a boy Stepa 2 years old died. Pain.
On Monday, our employee Vanka was buried. He went as an ambulance driver with his surgeon father. They were shot to kill when they were taking out the wounded from under Gostomel. “Russian liberators” shot an ambulance. This is our personal loss, not from the news. Pain. Every day friends offer to go to Poland, Greece, Bulgaria, Germany. But we decided not to part, to be with Dad.
Everything is unanimous. It is definitely better here, morally easier, clearer,
calm down. Although it sounds strange.There is no fear. There is faith in our army, people and spirit. There is hatred, burning! My husband was born in Russia, spent a week trying to tell the truth to his relatives. Absolutely without success. In October 2021 we were in Kabardino-Balkaria, his homeland.
They were burying their father. They lived with their sisters, considered them the closest. Until February 24, Russians were treated very well, despite the policy of their authorities.
None of the relatives have ever called. And he didn’t pick up the phone. It was the biggest pain for the whole period. And disappointment. Now we are Ukrainians to the end. And my husband, too. He no longer has a homeland.
I don’t want my grandchildren to even know Russian. I can’t listen to songs, movies, I hate everything Russian. This feeling arose immediately and naturally. I don’t understand how you can be like that, how you can support murder. How can you just be indifferent. We will never be brothers. And they never were, they just didn’t know about it. We are too different inside. We are ready to defend our land with our bare hands, to the last. For me, it is better not to live at all now than to live in Russia or the “Russian world”.
Every night we go to bed with prayer and understanding that it can arrive at any moment. I can’t get rid of the thoughts that I won’t have time to do anything.
I mentally build a “protective dome” over the house and the child and I believe that it helps. We study at home, make plans for “after the victory” and save
Everything will be Ukraine!


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Nastya Krasilnikova

Nastya Krasilnikova’s channel about women and their rights.

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